you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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