she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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