If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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