she's into porn, im staying here tonight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
