Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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