so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
