i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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