Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
