dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
