Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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