the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
