My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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