In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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