I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
