Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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