shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
