So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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