College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
pray to the hookup gods
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
