well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
