I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
