Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
