she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
