My hand turned me down
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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