It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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