Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
