May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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