I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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