What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
