I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
