After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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