just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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