I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
tell me about the fingering
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
