I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
