U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
