We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
