it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
