Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
