How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
