I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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