I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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