my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
