'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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