is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
