I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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