I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
