It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
