I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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