he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
