yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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