The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
