If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck appropriateness.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
