I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
