I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
