ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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