hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
