i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
