all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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