I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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