i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
