Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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