who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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