Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
