8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
