Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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