What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
